Whether it is a getting stuck in a traffic jam, choosing the slowest line in the grocery store or awaiting test results, we all experience impatience at times. Mindfulness teaches us that this impatience arises partly from not being comfortable in the present moment. We become hooked with anxiety as we become caught in our anticipation of future events, good or bad. We want this moment to be over so that we can get on with what we believe is coming next.
This is a perfectly normal and imperfectly human experience. At the same time, impatience is unpleasant for many people as time and life slip by in these anxious moments. Today I offer up some ideas you can try when you feel impatient.
- Take three deep breaths. Breathing is vital to life and a key element in calming your overly aroused system. Meditation is a great practice if you are able but even pausing to notice three full cycles of inhalation and exhalation will be beneficial.
- Choose to engage in a pleasurable activity. I recommend having a list of favourite pastimes or hobbies on hand so that you can scan it in times of impatience (or any difficult emotion). When the body is in a state of anxiety, it is hard to remember the things that bring you comfort or joy. Having a prepared list frees you to simply pick an option and get started. Initially, you might not feel that you want to do the activity, but persist for a few minutes and see if it is able to divert your attention to the present for a period of time.
- Acknowledge the feelings. Naming or labeling feelings helps to discharge the intensity of the feeling. Choose a method that fits for you: you might write in a journal, talk to a friend, or consult a counsellor.
- Have compassion for yourself. You can try gently saying to yourself “It’s hard to wait right now” or “I don’t enjoy feeling this way and it’s tough to feel so impatient” or choose your own words. By directing kindness toward yourself, you work to build self-compassion and resilience.
- Reality check. Chances are, there is a mental story associated with the trigger for your impatience. Notice what the story is around the event and check in with yourself regarding the accuracy of your inner storyline. Both Byron Katie and Brené Brown have explicit processes (respectively, The WorkTM and Rising StrongTM) you can use to unpack the story and the underlying assumptions.
Thank you for reading… I wish for you a day of peace and presence in your life.
I used to hate waiting..in line at the bank or at a Dr’s office, but now I try to use that time as down time. There is nothing you can do about it, so I try to enjoy the feeling of not having to rush. It becomes my time. I still try to find the shortest line but try to accept whatever happens.
That’s a great strategy! We are generally rushing so much, it can be a relief to have a few minutes of down time. 🙂