I was reminded last night the importance of choosing to push myself at times. (The “at times” disclaimer is important because resting and restoring is equally as important at times).

Most people can identify with feeling that peculiar combination joy and exhaustion that comes at the end of a long week.  I was feeling proud of making it through and also ready to devote my evening to some serious navel-gazing.

That’s when I remembered the concert tickets.

Inside my head, for over 30 minutes, a battle raged over the merits of going out vs staying in.  It raged until I remembered that I do have a few skills I’ve picked up over the years.  The first was the simplest and the hardest… I stopped and I just breathed.  I stopped trying to solve a problem and I gently allowed myself to feel two emotions at the same time.  I breathed some more.  I checked in with my body (I noticed tension and fatigue) and I checked in with mind (I noticed sadness at feeling this way and frustration at not remembering sooner).  I sat and breathed even more.

There was no sudden insight or “aha” moment.  Eventually I realized that I had to either leave now to make it on time or choose to stay.  I chose to go and approached it with as much a spirit of playfulness and acceptance as I could.  I love the band (Blue Rodeo) and yet I gave myself permission to choose to leave if I found the experience too stimulating or too tiring after my busy week.

I loved the show.  I enjoyed every song and by the end I was up and singing and dancing with the crowd.

However, the moral of the story is not that you will always be happy if you stretch yourself.  The week before I went to a party when feeling fatigued and knew as soon as I arrived that my energy was not going to carry me through.  In that instance, I checked in again with myself and then checked out of the party.

Instead, what I hope you can see is that each moment is a chance to be present.  Present with the joy and present with the pain.  There will be plenty of opportunities to experience both.   There is no right decision.  Allow yourself the gift of not knowing and see what happens.  And don’t forget to breathe.