It is challenging for many of us to strike the ideal balance between engagement in life and managing our energy.  

With health issues, this becomes a vital balancing act.  If you push yourself too much, you might feel the effects reverberating for days or weeks.  Although it can be enlivening to participate in outings and events, it is important to find ways to do so that support your overall well being.  One of those ways is to choose to sometimes skillfully say “no”.

Here are five ways you can practice saying no with grace:

1. Avoid long explanations.  It can be tempting to outline all the reasons why you can’t do something or why you feel that you are better off skipping an activity.  If you can, give yourself permission to simply say “no” without justifications.  This does not mean you need to be rude.  Try something like this:  “I’d really love to join you but I can’t this time.  Please tell me how it goes.”   This expresses your desire to be present and included and yet also is firm that you are unable to go.
   

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2. Offer up an alternative.  If the occasion presented sounds like it is beyond your ability, you can suggest another option.  For example, “That party sounds fun, but I wouldn’t get a chance to visit with you directly – let’s grab a tea next week and catch up.”
   

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3. Change the topic.   You likely have some well-meaning friends who try to convince you despite your saying ‘no’.  They simply want to include you and yet it is difficult to resist the social pressure to change your mind.  Remember that your friend will not suffer the consequences of overdoing it – you will.  Try subtly shifting the foucs off of your attendance.  “No, I can’t come that night.  But I hear it’s a garden party, what will you wear?” or “That sounds fun and I’m sad I won’t be there.  Isn’t that right before your vacation?  Where are you going this year?”
   

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4. Be selective.  The idea is NOT to hide away from the world.  However, in order to attend and enjoy special events, you need to set limits.  Next time you feel guilty or hesitate to say no to a casual invitation, recall that by saying no to one event, you preserve more energy for events and occasions that you feel strongly about partaking in.
   

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5. Allow the feelings.  There will be feeling and thoughts associated with saying no and with feeling unable to engage as you might like.  Be sure to take some time and space to allow yourself to move through the emotional experience.  You might feel angry at your body, sad at missing out, or fearful of the future.  It is important to bring a gentle and kind attention to these feelings and to offer yourself compassion.

Please share your ideas about how to say no in the comments below.